上两个月让我痛到极点。真正的我似乎也跟着我的婆婆一起埋葬了。很多人不明白我所做的事。也许痛到极点事，人会做些从未想象自己会做的事。心里的呐喊，没有人能听见。不论在那里，我的心都在流泪。泪已流成海，把我的灵魂淹死了。
我很累很累。。。我不想记得2007。这个网上日记有太多2007与和他的回忆。我的心不能在承受伤痛了。这是我最后一次在这个地方留下足迹。朋友们，我要走了。再见。
Thursday, January 17
Monday, October 29
我的天很灰
2007年是我生平最难过的一年。它可怕得让我害怕过最后的两个月。当你身旁的人纷纷出事，你不禁开始绝望，开始会问自己有什么事不可能发生。这一年让我的人生观彻底改变。从开朗乐观的我，变得绝望悲观。也许表面上看不见吧。但是，心中一种下灰色的种子。想的都是难过的事。
有时候我感到无助。就算你把问题告诉了全世界，他们帮得了你吗？最好的朋友也只能听你有多苦，但不能帮你承担。最终，你只是自己一个人面对。
有时候，我希望这一切都只是个梦。 我希望从恶梦醒过来。我希望生命还是美丽的。这样的希望会随着2007的过去而到来吗？
有时候我感到无助。就算你把问题告诉了全世界，他们帮得了你吗？最好的朋友也只能听你有多苦，但不能帮你承担。最终，你只是自己一个人面对。
有时候，我希望这一切都只是个梦。 我希望从恶梦醒过来。我希望生命还是美丽的。这样的希望会随着2007的过去而到来吗？
Thursday, September 6
BreakThru Cafe
I am like so super busy. This is supposed to be e-learning week = holiday. But everyday i am mugging like crazy. 9 modules' online assignments + 2 essays + 3 Proj grp work prep all in 1 week. I think we are all superman. Maybe we all are.
So to cut the crap short, I happened to pass by this place called BreakThru Cafe and I really wanna recommend this place to all of u. If u are thinking of a starbucks or spinelli near chinatown, drop the idea. Visit BreakThru. This is a modern dim sum place opposite the subordinate court. But it is far from normal. The waiters serving there are people who were once judged in that very same court before, been into jail and out. These people after been to 突破之家, a Halfway house after jail, have accepted Christ and turned their lives anew.
When I look at this men serving in the cafe, and I listened to Kelvin Soh's song "机会”，I was so touched that tears came to my eyes. He was an ex-convict for drug offences in and out of jail for nearly 20 years. He first started taking drugs at pri 5 cos his father was taking drugs then. He is now the head of 突破之家 and these men under him are given new jobs by the new lines he created such as this cafe.
Believe me, this is one very touching cafe u must go to. Its definitely cheaper and more worth it den the watever else cafe. It helps u get in touch with ur human side again.
So to cut the crap short, I happened to pass by this place called BreakThru Cafe and I really wanna recommend this place to all of u. If u are thinking of a starbucks or spinelli near chinatown, drop the idea. Visit BreakThru. This is a modern dim sum place opposite the subordinate court. But it is far from normal. The waiters serving there are people who were once judged in that very same court before, been into jail and out. These people after been to 突破之家, a Halfway house after jail, have accepted Christ and turned their lives anew.
When I look at this men serving in the cafe, and I listened to Kelvin Soh's song "机会”，I was so touched that tears came to my eyes. He was an ex-convict for drug offences in and out of jail for nearly 20 years. He first started taking drugs at pri 5 cos his father was taking drugs then. He is now the head of 突破之家 and these men under him are given new jobs by the new lines he created such as this cafe.
Believe me, this is one very touching cafe u must go to. Its definitely cheaper and more worth it den the watever else cafe. It helps u get in touch with ur human side again.
Sunday, August 26
Life
One thing I realized these few days is when one grows old, more problems come your way. I noe u probably gonna say i am talking crap cos tts common sense. But when you start to experience this yourself, you will understand that "problems" doesnt come at bad hair day level. Its life and death problems.
Yeah, I am being mysterious here. If you followed my blog closely, I mentioned this at the beginning of the year abt some serious problems. 8 months down the road and I can declare my problems not only did not end, but its 一波未平，一波又起。The scale increasing in maginimity (is there such a word?) Heck. Some may kind of know the things that I went through since Jan 2007, especially my dear who been there with me all the way. Actually, I wanna thank those ppl who gave me advice and stood by me when I was stranded in the sea of life. Thanks ppl.
Initially I lamented " God, why did you set me on contract teaching for a year, then NIE?" Why not let me go on permanent bond so that I can continue my studies at NIE immediately after I grad from NUS?"
Now I noe the ans. God has plans to shape me during my contract teaching and during this 1 year at NIE. He needs 2 years for me to go through the trials in life so that I am tough enough to survive in school when I finally grad.
My dad and mum told me sth 2 days back which made me smile. They said I really grew up. They were dumbfounded and amazed at how I rise to the occasion when there is a need. I always thought I was a silly little girl who was like a fly that lost its head. Now I realize, time and trials have made me stronger. Or rather, I was forced to be stronger. Life's test......
Yeah, I am being mysterious here. If you followed my blog closely, I mentioned this at the beginning of the year abt some serious problems. 8 months down the road and I can declare my problems not only did not end, but its 一波未平，一波又起。The scale increasing in maginimity (is there such a word?) Heck. Some may kind of know the things that I went through since Jan 2007, especially my dear who been there with me all the way. Actually, I wanna thank those ppl who gave me advice and stood by me when I was stranded in the sea of life. Thanks ppl.
Initially I lamented " God, why did you set me on contract teaching for a year, then NIE?" Why not let me go on permanent bond so that I can continue my studies at NIE immediately after I grad from NUS?"
Now I noe the ans. God has plans to shape me during my contract teaching and during this 1 year at NIE. He needs 2 years for me to go through the trials in life so that I am tough enough to survive in school when I finally grad.
My dad and mum told me sth 2 days back which made me smile. They said I really grew up. They were dumbfounded and amazed at how I rise to the occasion when there is a need. I always thought I was a silly little girl who was like a fly that lost its head. Now I realize, time and trials have made me stronger. Or rather, I was forced to be stronger. Life's test......
Friday, August 10
Wasteful People Should Vanish From the Face of The Earth
Today, my mum excitedly showed me a bag full of clothes. Full of clothes that have the labels still on. Full of clothes that are of designer label. When I am talking abt designer labels, I am not talking about things like Adidas and Mphosis. I am talking about Armani Exchange. And what are these clothes for? Initially meant for the dump. U ask me why? I wonder why too.
My aunt works at a factory and these are some of the clothes that the clothes factory throws out at the end of the year. Brand new clothes with the tags still on. And I am not talking about 70s looking designs with quirky looking wind-breakers with the wrong colour combi. These are up-to-date jackets which teenagers like me (ok... maybe a bit past teen) may even considering buying at a mall if I see them at afforable rates.
BUT. My aunt wanted to throw it into the dump cos her "up-market" and "high-class" air stewardess daughter won't even take one look at them. No one wants it, except for their maid who tried to steal it when it landed into the rubbish bin previously. So my cousin thought, perhaps she should throw them away. But my aunt tot its such a waste and gave them to me sneakily (because the daughter rants madly if she gives).
So i just started to wonder... Why do some ppl have wierd mindset like... these clothes are mine, if i do not want them, i will not give them to other people too. But these clothes are new with tags still attached, designer labels. Yet, even when the other party doesn't mind having a few new clothes even if they were worn a few time, one REFUSES over her dead body to give them except to the garbage bin. It bugs me to see such wasteful people existing. Especially when I remember people dying in the cold and from hunger in some countries stark naked.
My aunt works at a factory and these are some of the clothes that the clothes factory throws out at the end of the year. Brand new clothes with the tags still on. And I am not talking about 70s looking designs with quirky looking wind-breakers with the wrong colour combi. These are up-to-date jackets which teenagers like me (ok... maybe a bit past teen) may even considering buying at a mall if I see them at afforable rates.
BUT. My aunt wanted to throw it into the dump cos her "up-market" and "high-class" air stewardess daughter won't even take one look at them. No one wants it, except for their maid who tried to steal it when it landed into the rubbish bin previously. So my cousin thought, perhaps she should throw them away. But my aunt tot its such a waste and gave them to me sneakily (because the daughter rants madly if she gives).
So i just started to wonder... Why do some ppl have wierd mindset like... these clothes are mine, if i do not want them, i will not give them to other people too. But these clothes are new with tags still attached, designer labels. Yet, even when the other party doesn't mind having a few new clothes even if they were worn a few time, one REFUSES over her dead body to give them except to the garbage bin. It bugs me to see such wasteful people existing. Especially when I remember people dying in the cold and from hunger in some countries stark naked.
Wednesday, August 8
Yo everyone!
I am back~! Actually u all noe why no posts recently?
1. Been super busy with content upgrading at NIE during the hols.
Its a crazy 3 weeks whereby 3 mods and 6 exams are being crammed. And its not as if its very easy. The 3 mods are in 繁体字 and some are in 白话 style cos they are ancient books. The 3 mods are 修辞，语法 and 文字学. 文字学 is the worst especially. Its all in 古文 and its like the entire 5000 history of china and its dynasty timeline and happenings to be forced into my head in 3 wks. First time i experience brain-ache. Its not even headache. Its deeper level.
2. I been surveying my blog, but no response from anyone in the tagboard. So I assumed no one has been checking on my blog, haha... so no motivation to blog. So if i noe ppl are constantly checking, I will come and blabber. But if no one reads, I feel like I am talking to myself.
Alright, so that's abt my VERY summarized 2 mths in 1 paragraph. Take note, my summary is improving! hehe..
Oh and regarding why change of look but no posts, that's cos I myself feel that the entire blog look pretty screwed up. And super NOT IT-savvy me had to bug Gerard to fix it for me. AND u guys noe waT? What I need to do in 1 day, he did in 1 min! I need kind frens like him.
So yea, now content upgrading is over and school has started, but not full blast yet since tutorials are not in yet, but I can almost feel the lecturers breathing down my neck. And u noe how it feels? Like as the time for assignment deadlines to draw near, their hands will be around ur neck, wringing you half-dead. I have 9 modules. 9 mind u! And assignments for all 9. But, I must say content up-grading was good training. I am so much more resilient now. I am going by Nike's slogan "Just Do It". No time to think. JUST DO IT.
I noe chewy has gone through this as well. But I still wanna say, NIE is still so much more fun then teaching in school. Cos the diff is in NIE, u can afford to stone for a while in class since u are not the one teaching. But in school teaching, u stone, u die.
I am so thankful for the new friends I made in NIE. Without them, I wonder how life will be like. Actually no need to wonder, I noe --- zombie-like. These ppl make me laugh so hard I wanna cry sometimes. And who said u cant make true frens after sec sch? These ppl supported me thru content upgrading. Studied with me in NTU canteen after lessons at 530 all the way to 930pm just to make sure I noe whats gg on for the 文字学 test the next day (since my head was empty that day. So empty that the tutor asked if there were any qns, I didn't. Why? Cos I din even noe whats going on in the first place.)
I am so grateful, grateful that beyond my XMS gang, I can still meet true ppl like these. =)
1. Been super busy with content upgrading at NIE during the hols.
Its a crazy 3 weeks whereby 3 mods and 6 exams are being crammed. And its not as if its very easy. The 3 mods are in 繁体字 and some are in 白话 style cos they are ancient books. The 3 mods are 修辞，语法 and 文字学. 文字学 is the worst especially. Its all in 古文 and its like the entire 5000 history of china and its dynasty timeline and happenings to be forced into my head in 3 wks. First time i experience brain-ache. Its not even headache. Its deeper level.
2. I been surveying my blog, but no response from anyone in the tagboard. So I assumed no one has been checking on my blog, haha... so no motivation to blog. So if i noe ppl are constantly checking, I will come and blabber. But if no one reads, I feel like I am talking to myself.
Alright, so that's abt my VERY summarized 2 mths in 1 paragraph. Take note, my summary is improving! hehe..
Oh and regarding why change of look but no posts, that's cos I myself feel that the entire blog look pretty screwed up. And super NOT IT-savvy me had to bug Gerard to fix it for me. AND u guys noe waT? What I need to do in 1 day, he did in 1 min! I need kind frens like him.
So yea, now content upgrading is over and school has started, but not full blast yet since tutorials are not in yet, but I can almost feel the lecturers breathing down my neck. And u noe how it feels? Like as the time for assignment deadlines to draw near, their hands will be around ur neck, wringing you half-dead. I have 9 modules. 9 mind u! And assignments for all 9. But, I must say content up-grading was good training. I am so much more resilient now. I am going by Nike's slogan "Just Do It". No time to think. JUST DO IT.
I noe chewy has gone through this as well. But I still wanna say, NIE is still so much more fun then teaching in school. Cos the diff is in NIE, u can afford to stone for a while in class since u are not the one teaching. But in school teaching, u stone, u die.
I am so thankful for the new friends I made in NIE. Without them, I wonder how life will be like. Actually no need to wonder, I noe --- zombie-like. These ppl make me laugh so hard I wanna cry sometimes. And who said u cant make true frens after sec sch? These ppl supported me thru content upgrading. Studied with me in NTU canteen after lessons at 530 all the way to 930pm just to make sure I noe whats gg on for the 文字学 test the next day (since my head was empty that day. So empty that the tutor asked if there were any qns, I didn't. Why? Cos I din even noe whats going on in the first place.)
I am so grateful, grateful that beyond my XMS gang, I can still meet true ppl like these. =)
Monday, May 28
My darlings!!
My cute little girls
My favourites in class. The one in the centre is the cutest baby i haf ever seen!!
This is the whole of my p1 class. 
Just some of the girls in my p1 class
It was the last day of school last fri. I must say, I really really miss my darlings in class. The photos here are of my lovely p1 babies. I always call them my 乖宝宝。They are special to me because they are the first bunch who I can call my own. Finally when my contract ended, many ppl asked me whether I haf decided that teaching is for me. When I signed the bond, I must say I wasnt sure yet. But the last few wks of school really showed me wat I was to all the kids. I see my worth in this place now. Its a kind of joy that I never felt before. I never felt I was useful before. I never felt I was indispensable before. In fact, I never knew until the kids wrote to me abt their feelings. Now i understand the teaching slogan "teach, make a difference". I am not an embassador of teaching or wat, but I truely felt the joy in this line now.
On the last day of sch before sch dismissal, the principal accounced to the sch that the day will be my last day as I will be gg NIE. I din feel much initially, until I went to stand nx to my p5 class and I realized a few of them started crying. At that moment, I felt so helpless. I wanted to hug them and say that its alright, I will be back. But first of all, I cant hug them and secondly, I din noe if I will be back.
Now i understand why some stay forever in this line while some cant wait to leave. Its the sense of satisfaction that u derive from the job that set u packing or keep u staying.
I never imagined my kids will cry when I leave on the last day. It made me so sad that I had tears in my eyes too. I cannot let them see me so weak because I cant set the whole class crying too. But I realized that perhaps I din teach the best in the whole wide world, but maybe i mean something to them. This is more den enough to make my life worthwhile.
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