Stress....

This coming Thurs is observation of my class by my VP. I heard that she is very particular during observations and have very high expectations. I feel quite pressurized because of these observations and I am wondering whether I want to go thru such stress for the nx half yr in my contract teaching and another 1 yr in NIE during practicums.. I am like torturing myself right? Though i really love the kids and stuff, but the stress is building up.

Shld i look for something that I wont feel stressed doing?

Career Dilemma

Recently, I feel pretty weighed down emotionally... I din realize it until i was unable to slp at night, waking up every other hour and sitting stoning in the living room waiting for time to come to go to school. I actually start to dread gg to sch in the morning. I realized I was suffering from withrawal symptoms from school. I myself din noe when it started. I figured its when I had the bad misunderstanding with the VP. Some of u noe abt it, but I din write it in my blog cos i think its safer to talk verbally. Its the first time i had this kind of feeling. I din even feel this when I was having my attachment at IMH- Pelangi Village. I remembered even when my supervisor was observing me during my attachment there, I din feel so stressed up. Maybe the context was different. Back there, it was one on one, me and my client. In school now, its one on forty, me and my 40 students.

I must say my work load is still pretty light, but i think the observation and the relief classes are getting to me. Pretty soon, my VP will be observing me teach and I was told she is quite particular. Relief classes are generally ok, but they do wear me out. And I must say, I totally dread one class. Last fri, I had many many relief periods of that class and it really almost drove me nuts. I noe the kids were out to kill any relief teacher who set foot into their class. I could hear it in their conversation. I lilke cute innocent kids. But i find smart alecks and noe-it-alls too much for me. Their attitude is far from bearable.

I keep thinking these days whether I am really cut out for teaching. Not juz teaching itself, but the subject I am offered. I feel imcompetent in the subject that I am supposed to teach. I think I might feel a whole lot better if it were english or math. I keep missing Social work. Now, I gotta shout at the children in class when they are not listening. It is so not me. I duno why but i start thinking of going back to Social Work, like being a medical social worker or social worker at an orphanage.

U noe, I wonder if it is juz a passing phase or is it really time for me to change a career.

phototaking morning

was early in the morning when i woke up wanting to do some lesson prep for mon... den guess what? i ended up taking photos of my bunny... but cos its camera shy, its trembling and fidgetting away, so its rather hard to capture any nice shots... this is abt the best one i can take...

My Bunny!

Not this la... hehe... this is my favourite melody given to me by my dear...

What I am talking abt is a real rabbit that hops! Jastinian brought me to a pet shop today and bought me a cutesy little bunny. My bunny is fluffy and brown with soft white tones... Its only 1 mth old and palm size! Its a mix breed of a dwarf with another type of dwarf, but who cares cos the result is still a dwarf! I am so happy cos my childhood dream of having a fluffy lil' bunny for companion has come true! Come come visit my bunny when u all are free...

I am still thinking how to make my rabbit home more cosy... buy a nice cloth to put over the cage? buy some flowers to twine ard the cage metal bars? buy plastic toys for my bunny? ppl give ideas ok? right now i haven taken any photos of my bunny cos my digi cam is super lousy... and i oso haven given my bunny a name, but i keep calling it baby... haha... help me hor u all...

Falling sick

Yesterday after a 2hr ride in my mum's very very cold car, i caught a cold... a nasty cold that took effect immediately when i was already in the car. Today, my nose is running away from me... hai... this wk so many problems... but i cant afford to go on MC now cos i am taking more lessons to teach... guess i gotta bear with it... hai... feel so sick...

Touched but embarrassed

Today, my old ailment came up during assembly at sch. During the singing of the national anthem, i suddenly felt very very dizzy, my vision became very blurry by the second and i was breaking out in cold sweat. I knew i had to take a seat and rest, but we were in the middle of the national anthem and everyone was standing at attention in sch. Hence, i had no choice but to walk out of the hall by the side of the railing to avoid the sensational situation of a teacher fainting in the hall in front of all the students. i took a rest by the staircase beside the hall and slowly regained my vision and steadiness.

A teacher came to my aid at this point of time and helped me to the sick bay and got some feng1 you2 for me. My mentors and many other teachers all asked how i was. The sweetest was my students asked me how i was in class and all crowded ard me when they saw me after school and asked me if i was feeling better. But i felt a little embarrassed cos i am like so weak... even my students noticed i stepped away during the national anthem. hai....... i think i better be more conscientious and slp early from now on... otherwise it will really be very embarrassing to fall flat in school...

today being my most hectic day, with an unwanted addition of 2 relief periods, my dizzy spell turned into a nasty headache... but i still went on with my lessons. even after a 2 hr nap at home, i wasnt able to chase the headache away, so i went to see a doctor...

and the doctor was Soooooooooooooo inhumane! she measured my temperature and told me i haf a slight fever at 37.1 degrees. she also asked me if i was still having a headache at that time and i said yes, been having it the whole day.... BUT she juz gave me some medications and asked me to go... and when i asked if i need an MC, she said "no need"... this world is ridiculous... usually when i go to the doctor, is they wanna give me MC i dowan to take, but now when i am afraid i am still weak for the early morn the next day for sch, she refuse to give me an MC...

i hope i dun faint in sch tmr again... hai........

My bf is Hyun Bin #2

In the show, it looked so sweet and romantic. But in real life, it is so irritating... no wonder Kim sam soon in the show got so pissed off... My bf is another person who is so verbal deficit. Today he suddenly asked me if i am afraid of hamsters. The conversation went along and I thought he suddenly haf a new found love for little animals... so i tot... ok, thats a good start for someone who almost broke weiguo's doggie's leg when he attempted to drag the poor dog across the living room by dragging its 2 front legs. Then, i encouraged him to go ahead and buy the hamsters thinking it will make him a better man. Then, he said "but u will be the one keeping them"..... i was like....... huh????

So it turned out the hamsters are for me to keep so that i have something to keep me busy when he has no time for me... its really sweet of him actually..... but he could haf juz said it outright to make me happy... instead, he preferred to go ONE big round and make me think he was going to buy hamsters for himself... but really they were supposed to be for me and the main reason is to keep me accom when i am alone...

hai... who said having a hyun bin for a bf is good? u got to be REALLY analytical....

I love Wedding bells....

Today at church, my mum's cell group member booked me for helping her with the decoration of the church chapel on her wedding cos she on a tight budget, so cant call on professionals.... so we spent one afternoon today after church taking a look at the materials she has like roses, laces etc and take measurements in the chapel itself... wedding seems like full of white, roses, tulips, ribbons, satin etc etc....... but what really struck me was the tight budget they are working on... seems like because they dun haf enough money, they gotta really be careful with what they spend on.... even pretty things that are not very useful and are too costly, they have to do away with.... in the end, we will juz be doing up the aisles of the chapel, door handles and stairway railings with flowers thats all...

That's Singapore for u... even wedding cost a bomb... if no money and still wanna get married, its gonna be miserable cos gotta save on everything... even simple yet insignificant things like satin streamers cost a lot... so moral of the story: better make sure u are loaded before u get married... or ur fiancee is gonna be so disappointed...

secret readers all of u....

i was wondering... and wondering... how come nobody reads my blog judging from when the last tag came in... thats why my posts become more and more infrequent... but den i realized recently that actually u all been reading my posts secretly but nv tag!!! yikes!! talk to me!!! dun make me talk gibberish to myself!!!

BUT............. i noe who has been absent from my blog for all time....... since the day it was started, was never interested to take a second look... my dearest BF...................... lets test him here... if u got read, dear, pls tag... if not, i will confirm my suspicion of u not patronizing my blog... and den nx step... i will hound u....... punish u by talking to u nonstop until u drown in my saliva...... hiak hiak hiak *evil laughter* now, dun say i not fair to u, i juz dropped a hint to u in msn that i am blogging at this very minute ok... see u got heart a not.....

I am Kim Sam Soon #2

Recently been a hardcore "my lovely samsoon" fanatic... glued to my lappie 24/7 watching the romantic comedy... its been sometimes since i allow myself to be so silly and splurge on a set of vcds and sit there like a couch potato... but den again... thats the luxury of being a teacher, with endless holidays! ppl who haven watch the show before, pls go watch! u duno wat u are missing out!! The male lead is so shuai and seh... got quiet authority, but not to mention MCP la... haha... oh no... i am swooning... help............

Just now spent some quality time with Jastinian for once since the blue moon a long long time ago... I asked him what he liked about my character, and he said i very gao3 xiao4... -_-"'
suddenly i noe who i resemble le... kim sam soon.......

Bad nightmare

I was awoken 3 am in the morn by a horrifying dream... thanks to my bf telling me the details of his fren's breakup with his gf, I brought it to my dreams. In my own dream, I dreamt that my bf stopped msging me. I found it odd, so i went to his house and asked him what happened. He then told me that he is tired from the relationship and wants to stop. Hence in the dream, I stormed off in tears.

Sometimes dreams are so real that we wake up wondering if it really happened. So i woke up groggily rubbing my sleepy eyes, spanking my cloudy head and thought hard. I checked the msg from last night and phew... it was only juz a dream... I wonder how many of u had this sort of encounter before?

PSLE oral

Wheeee!! Today was so free... went to sch to do nothing... hehe... chit chatted with my fellow NIE colleague for the entire morning talking about bfs, hair, kids, teachers and yada yada.....

Then when I reached home and opened my mailbox in anticipation for my Chinese EPT (Entrance Proficiency test) results (for admission to NIE), I got a shock of my life. I actually PASSED the chinese EPT exam!!! I so wanna jump up into the sky~! The day I took the exam I was so down. I couldn't finish reading the passage for the oral and I couldn't understand some of the phrases in the paper, esp the wen2 yan2 wen2 part... But I actually managed to pass the exam first time! Praise God...

Blue Monday

First time today I recognised how it feels like to have a blue monday at work... University was easy for me, having little or no lessons on Mon and often late lectures that allow me to crawl out of bed when I want, or even slowly drag myself to lessons even if it means I will be 30 mins late. BUT NOW, working life means wat? Monday is even bluer than ever, with a kick ass start at 5.45am in the morn. And if I oversleep which so often happens in Uni, I am so gonna die..........

SO, today I woke up on the wrong side of bed, feeling a little depressed for nothing, so I gathered it is something called the Monday Blues. The first lesson is my favourite class, 2k. This bunch of Pri 2 kids are sooooooooooooo cute, sooooooooo lovable, u juz wanna hug them to death... Just imagine, big head, small body, big eyes, brown face with white goggle patch around their eyes and cutest of all, BIG EARS!! Hehe... little jumbos...

National Day Eve

As all other schools, my school celebrates National Day on the Eve. Every other year when I myself was a student, I had been happy on National Day eve cos it makes the start of a short holiday. But today, being in school as a teacher, I felt so much different. Instead of sitting on the floor in the hall, I sat on the chairs designated for teachers. Hearing the children sing to the national day songs with innocence and enthusiastically waving their flags, i felt so at home and happy. I feel really different being at the same event that I haf experienced myself years ago, but now in a different position.

Then, later my class 2k had a party. The p2 kids surrounded me, talking and laughing with me, asking me many questions abt me and them. One of them asked me why I chose to teach, and I told them its all because of them. =) i looked at their innocent faces and I thought to myself, its worth it.

First impression counts

Hehe... today I am a little more free than usual... right now waiting at home for time to go Hip Hop. So far, I have been attached to the school for about 4 days. All is well because my mentors are all very nice to me and they willingly give me the space to learn at my own pace. People around me are also very kind to stop and help me out when i need it, such as me asking stupid questions like what time is school dismissal.. -_-'''

Classes I have been to and reliefed and generally quite well-behaved. However, I met a monstrous class on my first relief experience. Just before I entered the class, a teacher who walked past along the corridor out of the blue told me to be careful of the boys as they fight. Then, i made the biggest mistake i could ever make.

I WENT IN WITH A SMILEY FACE.

And thats it for me man... the entire 30 mins was hell. Monkeys were running all over the place, boys were picking up chairs to knock each other down, babies were kicking each other's bag and then crying because the other person did not want to apologize for kicking his bag down. If i kept quiet to show my displeasure, they were all the happier because i became the invisible woman. If i changed tactics and shouted at them to stop, I almost went hoarse because the 40 voices drowned my pathetic shrill voice. Now, that was THE nightmare for me.

I thought there must be something very wrong with me for being incompetent at controlling the class. Seriously, I almost fainted right there and then in class. I really understand what it means to be 束手无策. However, I left the class to find that that class is almost the most notorious class in the entire P2 level. I was told that even the form teacher as well as male teachers are unable to control the class.

Then the subsequent relief class smelt the 火药味 left over from the previous class as i stood right at the doorway until every single person saw me and kept quiet. Then, I got everything twirled around my little finger after that. =)

Moral of the story: There is no need to shout, just make sure u look VERY stern. First impression counts.

Promises

I am so touched that so many ppl care that I did not update my blog... =) sorry ppl, been quite busy with my new sch recently...

I shall not go into my sch experiences today because I am not feeling really chatty today... tonight i feel melancholic... in the warm orange lighting in my room and the air con humming together with chinese songs at the back, something I hear this afternoon comes back replaying in my mind...

Jastinian's good friend and his gf broke up yesterday or the day b4... I noe both of them as we went on 2 out-of-singapore trips together and had a lot of fun. I noe it is none of my business, but i cant help feeling sad about their breakup. It was a 6 yr relationship and it ended because the girl fell in love with another guy. Despite desperate attempts on the bf's part, he still failed to save the relationship.

I was told that the girl promised the boy when his best friend passed away a few yrs ago that she would never leave him and that she will always be his best friend and his gf. But now, the boy said to my bf that he has now lost his best friend and his gf. On hearing this, I realized tears welled up in my own eyes... but of cos i try to blink it away lest someone say i crazy again...

6 yrs relationship. Why must a person lose someone before realizing he never wanted to lose her? On the other hand, promises seem empty. Broken promises cause heartaches to the person whom the promise was made to. Promises can be kept faithfully, yet were never materialized cos the person whom the promise was made to left the relationship prematurely. This causes a sense of betrayal and stupidity in the person who faithfully made the promise.

Oh well, perhaps I am talking martian to ppl who read this... but all in all, i realized from this episode that much as girls love to hear promises, the sweeter the better, promises never hold forever... one day, it is likely to be broken by the person who made it, or the person who received it.

Some dating tit bits

Hai... my lil cousin- tutee changed my tuition schedule again! Was all ready to set my foot out of the door when he msged me and say that he is still in sch, cant have tuition... =( now, my planning is haywire again...

So den, I was itchy hand surfing net, i stumbled upon this interesting article... take a read girls and guys and see how true it is...


The 11 Types of Women Guys Want to Date:

1. Miss Sweet
Miss Sweet is a woman who's positive, content with her life, always upbeat — and just a blast to be around. She's a genuine person without a bitch bone in her body. Miss Sweets are usually snapped up out of the dating market right away, so they're pretty rare. But if you can find one, you've got a real treasure on your hands.

2. Miss Equality
The Miss Equalitys of the world genuinely like men, and understand that equality means equality across the board. They believe that a relationship should be a 50/50 partnership, and are more than willing to shoulder their half of the responsibilities and dating expenses.

3. Miss Sexual
You should be so lucky to encounter one of these! Miss Sexual loves men and loves sex — and makes no bones about it. She's not selling it, she's not using it as a tool to manipulate men — she just naturally craves it.

4. Miss Best Friend
She's the kind of woman you're totally in sync with — you like the same things, watch the same TV shows, enjoy going to the same places. You can spend five minutes with her and think you've known her for years. She's always on your side, laughs at all your jokes and calls you just to say "hi" because she genuinely misses you.

5. Miss Straightforward
This is the type of woman who knows how to communicate. With Miss Straightforward, there are no games, no expecting men to be mind readers, no behavior based on ridiculous, female-biased advice from articles in Cosmo or The Rules.

6. Miss Independent
Miss Independent has a real life of her own and is happily going in her own positive direction. She's the type who wants a man in her life, but doesn't need a man in her life.

7. Miss No Pressure
While many women are chomping at the bit to get married, Miss No Pressure hasn't fallen prey to any such agenda. She's happy just to be with you. She may want to get married at some point, but she's in no hurry — she thinks that if it happens, it will just happen naturally.

8. Miss Secure
Miss Secure accepts herself as she is and is comfortable with her good points, as well as her bad.

9. Miss Personality
Miss Personality is a great find. She might not be up for first prize in a beauty contest (although she could be), but her intelligence, wit and sparkling presence just light up the room, and she draws people like a magnet.

10. Miss Low-Maintenance
The rarest of the rare, Miss Low-Maintenance is the most atypical of modern women. She really doesn't care about how much money you have — she just likes you for yourself and not for what she can take from you. She's likely to be a true feminist, and will gladly pay her share of the dating expenses. If you can find a Miss Low-Maintenance, hang on to her for dear life!

11. Miss Right for You
A lot of guys choose women who are "arm candy" — good-looking trophy girlfriends who bolster their status among other men or counteract their own insecurities. That's all well and good, but if you find a woman who makes you happy, regardless of looks, age or social status — or what any other guy thinks — then you have definitely won at the mating game.

I Have A Dream

"I have a dream..." , Mr Lee, our former Sec sch principal used to say that during assembly every morning. For the first time in my life, I have a dream... I always felt that was quite silly to keep talking about dreams... but today, I suddenly knew what it feels like to have a dream. Today, I was talking to Jastinian's parents about my convocation, we mentioned about my certificate and I said that it is not worth making it into a plaque cos its only a batchelor... its like juz group 10 ppl together and easily u get 2-3 graduates or undergrads... but then, if u obtained a masters or PHD, thats something to feel good about...

Suddenly, a thought came to me! Masters... why didn't I think of that? The prof during my Arts commencement talked about the importance of having a dream and even at that point of time, I thought that was silly~! She said that the commencement means that our journey has just started and not juz ended! Why can't that apply to me? Perhaps I didn't have enough confidence in my own ability? Or perhaps I just didn't think I am one who fits into the category she mentioned. But no venture no gain rite?

But of cos i know that won't be possible in 2 yrs time because I still need to go for contract teaching and do my NIE first... Next, I still have to serve my bond... hope by the time i have saved enough money, I can start on my next goal in life... at least, I will know what I am working for now and not just work a day for a day...

Graduation's Over

Convocation is finally over on Monday... Boy... how i miss that atmosphere at the ceremony and after that during photo taking with friends! Most of all, I was hit with the realization when i saw my XMS friends and my Social Work best pals that i my University life is OFFICIALLY over...

Suddenly, i felt sad to depart from NUS and my friends... No more silly giggles during SW lectures... no more girlie chats with my SW girls (u noe who u are, girls) during breaks when we were supposed to go to the library and be diligent... no more rushing over to Science to join my XMS gang for quick lunches and catch ups about who is now whose secret shuai ge... At the convocation, i realised that the best part of my life is over... but the good thing is, I am left with the beautiful memories to look back on and reminise... =)

Girls, thanks for all you have done for me during my University days... and of cos, those who have been with me since Secondary school days.. I must say that I was very touched to receive cards from my SW friends and flowers from Huiping... u guys are the best.... but den ar... one little problem here... u guys almost made me cry~! *so touched*

Candice ah Candice... u most successfully triggered my tear glands man... how u remind me of our days as SW students... Looking back, I have known u since Yr 1 and u are considered my bestest pal in Social Work... i will miss u so much... and our bf conversations during breaks... How we reflect on ourselves and our relationships together... it is amazing how we talk heart to heart... =)

Janice is another one... my attachment pal... without u i duno how i will survive attachment in Pelangi Village.. Remember our days of playing carrom with the residents... and how i unknowingly locked u up in Tembusu after u sent residents back while I happily waited in the office for lunch with u wondering why u are not back yet... hehe... silly me... but i will never forget how u helped me rush out some of my reports on the last day of attachment cos i couldn't finish it... somethings will never be forgotten girl...

In a nutshell... (after saying so much, its not really a nutshell anymore) i really really appreciate all of u who made my life so colourful! Thanks girls...

Of cos, there is my dear bf who refused to pose with me on my big day.... -_- but ok la... ur intellectual black and white pooh and nike watch as present for my graduation more than makes up for it... it was so thoughtful of u to integrate pooh and the watch like this... thanks! I love both of it~!

An Unlucky Day

I think there was never another day in my 22 years having been so unlucky before. First, I "killed" my mum's colleague's digital camera when i was snapping away at Monica, Yilin etc's convocation. MY MUM'S COLLEAGUE! How bad can it be? i was so busy fretting over how to explain myself for the camera dying on its own just like that...

Then, when I thought all was still going pretty ok for the day, I had to fall on a slippery slope when going to buy my spare batteries for another loaned digital camera! There goes... a nicely sprained ankle just before my convocation... Everything is just w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l~

I just hope tomorrow my own convocation goes on well and I hope i won't look like the Qing Dynasty's 1001th concubine strutting up the stage with my mini 'S' size convo mortar, walking unnaturally in my tiny heels and nicely sprained ankle... I Pray......................